This is a very important topic – and one that we often do not take the time to ponder.
“ You are worth it” – Worth what?
“ You deserve more” – What does ‘more’ mean?
“ You are enough” – Enough for what?
We see these plastered all over social media….and the sight of it is empowering!
However, have you thought about what they really mean?
What is it that women want to be worthy of?
What makes a woman worthy? Worthy of what?
Who decides a woman’s worth?
It seems as though we are constantly empowering women to be worthy, but most of us are not clear what we are really worthy of. Empowerment without equipment often leaves us more frustrated because after we are empowered, then what?
In the last 20 years, I’ve trained thousands of women to Master their Self Worth and in my work, I am always amazed about how little we understand about our Worth as a woman.
Let me first Clarify the definition of Self Worth…..are you ready for this???
SELF WORTH = My own personal opinion about my value. It is directly connected to what I believe I deserve.
Let’s do a quick break down:
- FICKLE:It is subjective to my own perception which means, it is not constant and could easily be fickle.
- SHAPED: My Self Worth is subject to how my opinion of myself was shaped growing up. Yikes!
- DESERVE: It also means that what I deserve is contingent on what I think I am worthy of, meaning, if I don’t believe I deserve a good man, a wonderful life, or a great job, then I won’t get it.
The confusion is alarming!
We have to take a step back and re-evaluate how we have allowed the external conditions of our self worth to determine our choices in life.
First of all, why is it so important for us to understand our worth (interchangable with value) as a woman?
We have a SILENT but DEADLY measuring cup for women’s worth that has been programmed in our brains. There is a criteria that makes a woman worthy of our attention, appreciation, acceptance, acknowledgement, and admiration – I call these the “5 Stars” – it’s what women are secretly shooting for but don’t believe they deserve so we end up hustling just so we could deserve someone’s appreciation.. The problem is that hustling to earn the “5 Stars” puts women in a constant state of exhaustion. We can’t keep hustling for our worth and expect to live a life of peace and freedom .
Perpetually hustling for our value causes us to be in a state of stress which is clearly evident in today’s women. Stress is now seen as a norm and somehow we have accepted this norm as a way of life. Well, as we know, it can’t be a normal state of life because no one can remain in a prolonged level of stress and not suffer long-term consequences. Stress is the biggest cause of disease and the effects of stress are undeniable to a woman’s peace of mind.
Our culture has a set of conditions that they have placed on women that most of us have absorbed without even realizing it. – worst, it is causing us stress.
What are these SILENT but DEADLY measurements – let’s bring it to light.
CONDITIONS OF OUR WORTHINESS AS WOMEN TODAY……We are only worthy if and when we are:
- PERFECT ….perfect body, perfect home, perfect life.
- PLEASE …please our parents, please our friends, please our man, please our boss.
- PERFORM…perform flawlessly, perform by the rules, perform to please.
- PRODUCE …produce a perfect GPA, produce perfect children, produce amazing work.
- ..the best, clothes, shoes, car, man and mansion.
At what Cost?
In other words, women who are not skinny, perfect women, who fail, or women who don’t quite have it together become second class ‘worthy’ citizens. No wonder so many of us feel insecure and inferior. We are getting shamed and blamed for the choices we never knew how to make.
Second – when we have a measurement of what makes women worthy, then we hold the same measuring stick of self worth when it comes to ourselves. When we think that women who look perfect and have it all together is what makes women worthy of the ‘5 Stars” then we doubt if we even deserve any stars. It is inevitably a double edge sword.
So how do we fix this crisis? We have to understand how our self worth was shaped in our brains and do the work necessary to replace old wiring (meaning old programmed beliefs) and replace them with a deeper awareness of what makes women worthy.
The reality is that most women today have been programmed to earn their worth so most of us are suffering the consequence of feeling unworthy of the beautiful life we deserve.
To replace this crisis, we have to learn to master our own self worth and begin the journey of neurologically rewiring our own understanding of our own worth.
Only then can we begin a radical transformation for the future generation.
We need women to RISE and RECLAIM their God-given worth and it begins with one woman’s worth at a time.