When I ask women, “Do you hold your man accountable?”
The common response I get is, “ I don’t know, I am not really sure what you mean January”.
The word, ‘ACCOUNTABILITY’ seems daunting to so many women. It was foreign for both Ryan and I until we decided to be intentional about our own growth.
So what does ACCOUNTABILITY mean?
Webster says it is the willingness to take responsibility.
My personal definition of accountability is: To hold someone to a standard of the best version of themselves.
In other words, in order for me to hold Ryan accountable, he has to CLEARLY COMMUNICATE TO ME, THE BEST VERSION of himself that he is seeking to achieve…….. and vise versa.
How do you hold someone accountable if you don’t know who they are trying to become, or what their goal is…. you can’t.
There has to be a measure and standard.
Here is the KEY INGREDIENT! Are you ready for this???
In order to hold your man accountable, YOU have to BE WILLING TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE.
Yikes! I know…. it is a double-edged sword.
I can’t say to Ryan, “ hey babe, don’t eat junk food while I am shoving Krispy Kreme donuts down my throat”. I loooove Krispy Kreme, I don’t consider it junk food :-)))
I have to be willing to receive constructive feedback from Ryan when he reminds me to uphold my standard and commitment towards greatness.
Ladies, it does not feel good…
Accountability is not about feeling good, it is about BEING GOOD.
Couples don’t hold each other accountable because IT REQUIRES BOTH PARTIES TO BE STRIVING TOWARDS THEIR ELEVATED SELF.
Otherwise, their relationship is stagnant; nothing new, nothing exciting because they are the same person every year. If we get better with age, then our relationship only gets better.
We are either growing or sliding – there is no middle ground for a great thriving relationship.
Accountability requires us to take responsibility for our actions, and inactions.
Accountability is a skill, it is a muscle that needs to be practiced.
We have 2 clear options:
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OPTION 1: Don’t hold me accountable – Which means, leave me to be comfortable because I would rather wither in my own misery and unfulfillment than work on becoming better. The worst thing that could happen would be facing God in eternity and realizing who we could have been if we just fought to become our higher self.
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OPTION 2: Hold me accountable even when it hurts – It doesn’t matter if I am kicking or screaming my way through becoming a better woman, I would rather that than, wither in resentment and discontent.
LACK of accountability is really NO OPTION for a fulfilling and meaningful life….
QUICK ACCOUNTABILITY CHECK-LIST – RATE YOURSELF 1-10 (10 being the best)
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HONOR YOUR WORD – You mean what you say and say what you mean? ___
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GROWTH – You are dramatically a better version of yourself every year? ___
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CLARITY – You are clear about WHO you are trying to become; Your goals are crystal clear? ___
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EVALUATION – You are diligent in reflecting on your own progress and seeking help? ___
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HUMILITY – You know you have not arrived, you are willing to learn and unlearn? ___
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FIRM AND TENDER – You are kind (firm and tender) when you hold your man accountable? ___
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MATURITY – You don’t take things personally, you can separate your emotions from your situation? ___
Sweet Reminder: The word humility comes from HUMUS – it is that rich and dark soil that is needed for optimal growth.
Soo00000, the question you have to ask yourself is…..Are you humble enough to be held accountable so you can be free enough to hold your man accountable?
Holding your man accountable is about upholding him to a standard of the best version of himself.
However, holding your man accountable requires you to hold yourself to an EVEN higher standard.
You can’t demand something that you have not commanded of yourself first!
I know what you are thinking …” January, what if my man does not want to be held accountable?”
I would say, “Man up” – “It is not about what you want, it is about what is best for you :-). Okay, just kidding :-)) Let us be more strategic 🙂
I’ll have to write a book on that :-)) stay tuned, we will eventually tackle this along with other issues.
Remember that the solution to our struggle is not a single ANSWER, rather a combination of micro skills that lead to macro changes.
Here are some scripts you can use to hold yourself and your man accountable – use it strategically and with humility 🙂
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